


Certain Kind Of Silence

by Zekestannie47



Series: Attack on Titan [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:28:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26223382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zekestannie47/pseuds/Zekestannie47
Summary: There’s only a handful of people that truly matter to you. Bertoldt and Reiner especially. Although it’s lonely your ok with that. Entitling them with your focus and trust maybe risky because there’s always a kind of silence that the replaces the atmosphere when you attempt to learn more about them.
Relationships: Bertolt Hoover/Reader
Series: Attack on Titan [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1901236
Comments: 3
Kudos: 12





	1. Chapter 1

In the Survey Corps, the commander will assign you to a small team of people. This is idea came from the belief that sharing a bond between them will motivate them to fight more efficiently. Expectedly there’s counter against this ideology. “Soldiers shouldn’t hold attachments to anyone, it only serves undermine there competence and their professionalism.”

Whatever seems to be the case, you know for a fact that no certain connection or bond is stronger than the one your share for your team. I mean it only makes sense, growing up on the outer most section of the walls meant you were vulnerable to the fall 5 years ago. You considered it a miracle that your mother had died of illness years before, and your father was simply never in your life. There was no mourning, no suffering to either you or them nothing to experience other than what you already had done beforehand. 

Though what troubled you most was your inability to grow close to others, you never considered your self introverted and you recognized that your were slightly more shy than the average person. You longed for someone to be around and to share your experiences with. And no one reflected and reciprocated what desired more than the teammates you were assigned with, Bertoldt and Reiner.

You always felt like you belonged when your around them. All the times you spent with them were meaningful and everyday you spent time with them was cherishable. You knew other people of course but they seemed to be your only actual friends. They related to you being alone, there was always a similar energy radiating from the three of you in which you shared. That sense slight dependency, you can’t really count on anyone else to be comfortable around other than them. You often spoke to Annie as well, she was a pleasant person to be around say the least, but she never meant as much to you as Bertoldt and Reiner did.

At the end of the day, when training is done and dinner has been eaten, there’s always a silence at the table. Just the sound of silver clinking and plates being lifted up and set down on the wooden tables. And then diluted by the sound of dialog of tables near by. Though the barrier of silence that separate them from the other tables is almost always broken by Reiner and another one of his miscellaneous comments. 

“You know you were only paired with us cause you were the lowest ranking member in the cadet corps right?” 

Antagonizing people around him was Reiner’s favorite way to start a conversation, it never personally offended you but it always got you to talk. 

“I would’ve guessed it was cause you two are basically attached to each other, no point in only having one friend under the the profession with the highest mortality rate.” 

You replied, trying you hardest to sound smug. Reiner simply just parted his lips in shock and began to smile in agreement and defeat. Bertoldt looked towards you and began to speak 

“After our village was attacked five years ago, there was a high demand in military trained residents to be the line of defense in case of another disaster. Me, Reiner, Annie and another recruit-“. 

“Bertoldt”  
Reiner cut him off.  
“You don’t have to tell them our entire backstory... me and F/N were just joking.”  
“No wait.” You replied quickly.  
The two of them just stared at you in puzzlement.  
“You said there was another one of you... right?”

“I mean, yeah.” Bertoldt answered.  
Trying to match there energy you refrained from seeming to intrigued. More than them and Annie? The thought alone baffled you.

You spoke up. “Well are they here? Did they come with you? What happened?” You paused.  
Soon realizing the impact of your words when Reiner squinted his eyes and all Bertoldt could do was look down. Scilence painted over the table, you decided to copy Bertoldt and looked down, before a wave of regret and embarrassment could hit you a faint  
“Well...” broke the atmosphere.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Deeply sorry to readers who have anticipated a sooner release, again please expect more from this specific series and other works of mine. Thank you, enjoy!

“Again we don’t owe them an explanation, Bertoldt.” Reiner spoke up.   
“I agree.” You said. “You don’t have to share if you don’t want to Bertoldt I don’t want you guys to relive that, I shouldn’t have said any thing. “I didn’t mean to make you guys upset-“   
Your apology was cut off by Bertoldt giving Reiner a hard look, you wouldn’t dare say Bertoldt ordered him to but a slight nod from him seemed to convince Reiner into doing the following. Emanating a sense of agreement between the two of them you could’ve swore they were communicating without words. Reiner turned back to you and Bertoldt followed soon after.

“Marcel Galliard was the 4th volunteer from our village, he was a close friend of ours, Annie’s as well.” Bertoldt spoke. Relief filled your senses and you uttered a slight “Oh.” To communicate it. You couldn’t quite read the expression on Reiners face but you could pick up the sense of anticipation about to paint his face with emotion. As if he was waiting for Bertoldt to say something that may set him off.

Bertoldt looked to Reiner than you and continued, speaking slightly louder after swiveling his head and realizing not a single person was left in the mess hall.   
“We didn’t know it but, there were titans... occupying the area were were traveling and-“  
“It was my fault...” Reiner interjected.  
A small “Huh” left your mouth completely distraught. Your eyes widened after putting the pieces together.  
“No it wasn’t, stop thinking like that.”   
It was the fist time you’d hear Bertoldt seem assertive or serious towards him or anyone really.  
“But I-“  
“He sacrificed himself, Reiner that wasn’t your fault.”  
“Did you really think he wanted to?! He wouldn’t have had to if I wasn’t in the way and he shouldn’t have had to. Annie said it herself if it’s anyone’s fault it’s mine.” Reiner began to yell. 

You had watched them go back and forth getting progressively louder every time it was the others turn to speak. You couldn’t pin point when but at the hight of it all Reiner had slammed on the table causing the silver where to clink and the wood to creak under the pressure. Reiners eyes were coated in tears and Bertoldt looked down with shut eyes. 

In an act of confusion and stress you silently got up, took your tray and walked out of the room. You felt terrible, why prompt that? Why were you so determined to find out about there past? Like they said, they didn’t owe it to you. And to walk out in distress when they gave your their answer? You hated to make it about yourself but you couldn’t stand to see them yell back and forth. You were sick and uneasy, all you could do was pace quickly through the hall and to your dorm. You hated yourself and your actions. And you regretted even responding. Now all you could do is just wait until the morning to talk to them if they haven’t already decided to stop being around you. You caused them that distress and now your punishment is just to wait until the next time you get to even be around them. And with that, you drifted.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again I deeply and fully apologize for not updating as often as I and readers would like. Please expect more works and as always, enjoy.

The sound of withering leaves thrashing and abiding to the winds law rang in thunderous in your ears and the steam emitted from every minuscule breath you took copied that of faint cigar smoke. The morning brisk autumn air encased you, though you remain unbothered as you anticipated the intense and grueling training exercise minutes away. 

A deafening yell highlighted your name bellowed by the instructor who ordered you to your sparring partner, the loud obnoxious tone replaced the sound done by the leaves. 

It felt that the first blow had already been dealt when the towering man trekked toward you, face pronounced by tightly knit eyebrows that molded around his viridescent eyes, the match had already been won by the way he had stoped momentarily before shifting himself into a fixed, fighting stance. 

You straightened your back and paced yourself a few steps behind in hopes it would distance yourself slightly from the man and widen your field of vision.

In which the half a minute that passed by he had no response. Calm, steady and calculated, he uttered no words but the use of body language and facial expression that spoke volumes to his sense of self and from that you could determine he is certain state emotion.

He seemed as if he was, disappointed to say the least. You know why, and you pay no mind. Though your next actions contradict that idea when you clear your voice in a scratching cough and state.

“Is there something wrong? Bertoldt.”

With that he had broke his character and dawned a face of surprise and confusion in complete contrast to his intimidating and assertive stance. He glared to the ground on his left, looking back to you before nodding and auditing a heavy yet monotone “No.”

“Ok then.” You responded almost immediately. At this rate your understandably anxious, nervous and uncertain. Anticipating his next actions. 

Your on edge.

“We’re waisting time.” He lectured, followed with “You can take the first move, I’ll wait.” 

Your response was a meek “Mm.” in agreement. You began to inch closer to his figure. Realizing the trembling and quivering under your fear of him began to build up. 

You spent countless seconds staring deep into his stern eyes, reaching the hight of your unease and sheer terror when he flinched.

You were set off.

Everything around began to illuminate and saturate. You felt as if everything and you were moving slower. In that you gathered all your energy force and will into one striking blow. 

Kicking behind the knee generated crackling noise sure to make your cringe under unease. 

Soon washed over with the sounds of him howling after the infliction.

Then diluted with the visual show of watching the heel of your boot tear the ivory fabric with pools of scarlet to mimic the ripped threads and staining the garment soon after.

You entered a state of complete ease upon hearing a thump on the hard cold soil.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Here’s this weeks chapter I really hope you enjoy!

A shriek of terror yelled by your opponent responded to your attack.

“F/N!”

The instructor screaming your name was like being thrown in steel tub of glacial water, if you ever felt like you were going to be tired for the rest of the day it sure proved you wrong. Calloused, cold hands gripping your upper arms snapped you back to reality. Though predicting his next command and movements only sent you praying that you stayed in your sense of dissociation. 

Staff swarmed around you attempting to restrain you from making any other action. You were complacent. All you could do was look at the disoriented man on the cold, dirt brown floor through your wide opened eyes.

You went numb, really. You couldn’t quite muster up any strength to move. So when the staff moved you away from the field it looked as if a group was dragging a dead man in open daylight. 

You were as frozen as the cold morning. You couldn’t do anything but watch, wait, breath, and blink. With the latter being seemingly more exhausting. 

You peered to the adjacent distance, directly in front of you were the cadets, captains and staff helping your opponent off the ground. Upon seeing it you took it as confirmation he was ok. You gasped to take in a breath of the icy air. 

With that you winced and forced your eyes shut. Everything went silent. Everything finally, went away.

Your eyes opened just as quick as you had shut them. A stoic women stood in front of you and nudged your shoulder. You were in a room, a quiet room in fact.

“F/N.”

“Hm?” You looked up at her. She took the seat behind her and peered into your eyes. After a fragile sigh, she parted her lips and began to speak. 

“Now, tell me what happened.” in a monotone voice. Her statement was over though you never let it sink into the atmosphere. So you felt rude when you almost immediately rambled and exclaimed, “I uh, I’m sorry. It was a reflex and I-“

“Calm down.” She emphasized.  
“Your aren’t in any trouble.” She paused, “He’s made sure of that.” 

You were surprised, “Bertoldt, he isn’t upset?” You thought. 

“In fact he would like to see you soon as possible.” She broke through.

You lit up a little, you stood and got up from your seat and headed for the brass handle on the wooden door. Just as you were about to turn it you peered from behind you.

“Thank you uh-“ you tried to search for her name by looking at the expression on her face. She turned back to and lifted her eyes. 

“I guess they were right when you said you didn’t know anyone.”

She joked and gave a faint smile. In the heat of your confusion she fixed the remaining strands of coal hair, and adjusted scarlet fabric wrapped around her neck.

“Mikasa.” She let out. With that you copied her smile and opened the door, you began your descent down the crowded hallway, your direction to be wherever Bertoldt and Reiner may be stationed.

**Author's Note:**

> This will become the first part of a series, you can expect another chapter soon within a week. Maybe sooner!


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